*Rant & Raves, GTA-SanAndreas.com*
Fido 14: Jesus will save you! the second coming is upon us! BE ENLIGHTENED!
Bain: Pyro, didn't you sign the ban for all public display of religions?
Pyro: What ban? The fucker doesn't have a license...
Fido 14: YE SHALL NOT TAKE THE LORD'S NAME IN VAIN!
Bain: O RLY?
Fido 14: YA RLY!
Mr. Nice: GET THE FUCK OFF MY SOAPBOX YOU DIRTY MEEK!
Fido 14: Fuck you you fucking fuck who sucks pig cock. whore!
Pyro: For a 'thumper, you sure do have a dirty mouth. You kiss your bible and Fred Phelps shrine with that mouth?
Fido 14: REEEEE!
*Jesus roars into area in christmobile*
Jesus: ITS JESUS EL OH EL!
Fido 14: The second coming is he...
*Jesus backhands Fido*
Jesus: Where's my money, bitch?
Fido 14: uh uh uh....
Jesus: And why are you talking crap about me?
Fido 14: Im not! I am enlighting people of your teachings. You even said Adam & Eve, not Steve!
Jesus: You dumbass, I was drunk when I said that after that poker party with Abe!
Messenger: Yay for Abe! He freed the slaves!
Abe: I FREED WHO?!
Jesus: ITS ADAM AND EVE, NOT STEVE! *passes out*
Fido 14: But but but...
Jesus: No buts! Now if you excuse me, I have to attend to Roberto & David's wedding in Spain! *Drives off in christmobile*
Fido 14: He...he...he...LOVES GAYS?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Vader: *signature breathing* *backhands Fido* MY. FUCKING. LINE!
Nic: Simon....mom says to take out the gar...
*Sees Psy in drag showing his chest on webcam*
Psy: EY WANKAH! GIT OUT! IM BLOODY BUSY! *slams door*
Nic: Can I borrow your M60 at least?
Psy: WAT FOR?!
Nic: I need to tie up some loose ends...
Psy: Bring it back in one piece!
Psy: Ok, [AzN].:general0115:. you want to see my ass again?
general0115: *fapfapfapfap* OH YEAH JENNIFER! LOL!
*Mom barges in*
Mom: Get off of that computer right now!
Mom: Damnit, Jimmy I am not going to tell you again!
Mom: Because I said so!
general0115: I WANT CHOCOLATE MILK! I WANT CHOCOLATE MILK!
Mom: ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME!
general0115: THATS BULLSHIT! REEEEEEE! CHOCOLATE MILLLLK!
general0115 has been disconnected...
Raging Turtle: WTF happened?
Psy: I think he popped too soon...
Friend1: Eww, its Nicola. hey slut...
Friend2: Oh you got her there...
*"Bang Bang" Kill Bill Theme plays*
Nic: SAY ELLO TO MY NEW FRIEN! *blasts them away*
Friend3: O RLY NOW?! *electric chains come out of hands* PREPARE TO SUFFER THE CARNAGE OF MY RUMOR SPREADING!
Nic: *Shoots Friend3 square in the head* Modern arts vs Marital arts, bitch. I win.
*More betraying friends roll up in Burberrymobile*
Friend4: INITATE CHAV SPAWN CANNON! *shoots chav babies out of uterus*
Nic: *does flip over car while shooting gas tank, blowing it up* Ew, chav carcass all over my new shirt!
Friend5: *uses screams of death*
Nic: OWWWWW MY BOWELS AND EARS! *throws ninja star at friend5*
Friend5: MY NOSE!
*Friend6 and Nic go into twae kwon do battle*
*Nic pulls out swiss knife and stabs it in Friend6's back*
Nic: The new definition of backstabber!
*RPG battle screen appears*
BossFriend - 1000HP
Nic Nix - 570HP
Nic: > ATTACK DEFENSE HEAL CANCEL ~ ATTACKS: M60 SPRAY, HARD LEFT, > NINJA STARS.
Nic Nix used NINJA STARS! -250 HP DAMAGE!
BossFriend: > ATTACK ~ ATTACKS: Blubber Smack, Chav Cannon, > Bitch
BossFriend used Bitch! BossFriend misses!
Nic Nix used M60 SPRAY/HARD LEFT COMBO! KO!
*Useless XP and HP stats here*
Nic: I won?
VCDL: GUYS GUYS! I FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT!
Gnick: That this board is dead and PyroBastard should not include it in another KIWMH skit?
VCDL: NO THE PS3 CONTROLLER!
AmishNazi: Let it go, dude, We already know...
VCDL: You do?
Gnick: Yes, it's a double ender boomerang affiliated with the female gamer demographic?
*Old Man Walter appears from sewer*
Walter: blurbaghahbr! female gamer demographics do not exist! damn kids!
VCDL: But but but...I swam through the Colorado, hiked up in the Himalayas, almost got killed by an avalanche, nearly drowned in a lava pit, and to top it off, almost got my wee wee bit off by a three headed toe named Johnathon?
Johnathon: He started it...
Gnick: Pretty much...
VCDL: You guys fucking suck, you know that? Fuck it, Ill be on another quest...
Gnick: and that is?
VCDL: To find out what the Revolution controller looks like...
*Everyone rushes out of the pool*
Bain: ... *dives in*
Tom Cruise: *gets splashed*
Bain: OMFG ITS TOM CRUISE!
T.C.: Your a jerk!
Bain: What did I do?
T.C.: Here I am, at this water park and you splash me! How incredibly rude. What's your name?
T.C.: Miguel, Miguel, Miguel, Miguel.
Bain: What what what what?
T.C.: Your a jerk for splashing water on me
Bain: But its a water..
T.C.: Miguel. Miguel.
T.C.: Miguel. Miguel. Ill hop in the pool when I am ready but Miguel, Miguel, it was completely rude Miguel for you to splash me, Miguel.
Bain: Say Miguel one more time..SAY IT ONE MORE TIME MOTHAFUCKA!
Bain: *throws Tom in pool*
T.C.: Your a jerk!
*Bain takes Tom's keys and drives off with Katie Holmes*
*Janitor comes out and puts more water in the pool*
T.C: Your a jerk, *looks at nametag* Walter. Here I am in this pool, and there you are splashing water in it. How incredibly rude!
Walter: Shut up. *knocks Tom out with pool net*
*Later that night*
Bain: Oh yeah, you're so tight...
Katie: That's my ear, dumbass.
*Officer knocks on car door*
*Bain rolls down window*
Bain: Can't you see I am banging a A-list celebrity here?
Officer: EL OH EL CAN I JOIN?!
Bain: YOU AGAIN?!
Officer: Laughing My Ass Off! Yes, it's me again.
Bain: Haven't you had enough internet acronym abuse for one day?
Officer: No, I just wanted to get a piece of action, pwnt. Now get in the front seat and let me take care of her or ill arrest you for indecent exposure then I can finally tell my boss I finally pooned a mexican.
Officer: I am LOLin' in a free world. Now let me have a turn!
Pyro: Due to financial constraints and a lack of deceny, the Al-Jazeera Network has now full control on this skit. Remember, PyroHazard and the Kickin It franchise does not sponsor, condone, advocate, or affiliate with anything shown.
Reporter 1: Hello, my name Al-Muhammand Bin Llama.
Reporter 2: and I am Joe Bakalakadaka and this is the Al-Jazeera. Our network is sponsered by The New York Cab Department and Weapons R Us. We hope you enjoy our programming.
Killin' It With My Suicide Bombers
Narrator: Once upon a time in a cave, far far away. 3 islamic extremists plan the ultimate genocide on the species known as "hoodrats".
Llama Muhammond: The counsel houses are the training bases for these hoodrat imperalists. It is our job to destroy them all.
Camel Muhammond: But why?
Llama: Because, for too long, they have been getting more media attention than us AND! They wear those silly hats...
Kuntwaffel: ZEE LLAMA IS RIGHT!
Camel: Who in Allah's name are you?
Kuntwaffel: I am Kuntwaffel. It's pronounced Koont-wahfell. I am the propaganda minister for The National Association Of National Socialism Nationalism.
Llama: But you do not believe in our cause.
Kuntwaffel: Help me out here, I am an expert in eliminating a race. You want to eliminate these so called "hoodlums". Well, I have got the plans and strategy to do it.
Narrator: As the 3 islamic..er 2 islamic and 1 nazi extremists strategize, deep within the heart of Newcastle, another sinister plot is developing...
Psy: OMFG! YOU ASSHOLE! I HAD 300 CONSECUTIVE WINS AND YOU FUCKING RUINED IT! AAAAAUGH!
Raging Turtle: Simon, are you alright?
Psy: Fuck it, Bry, pack my shit..
Bry: Ok...*pulls down pants*
Psy: No, assmaster, my other shit...
Psy: Turtle, gather up all of our key players.
Turtle: Yes sir!
Psy: Oh, and talk in your sexy scottish accent. It stimulates my sniper percision.
Bry: Simon, what are you doing?
Psy: I am so beyond pissed. I shall take it out on chavs!
Narrator: Join us next time when the plot unfolds! on this edition of Killin' It With My Suicide Bombers.
Bakalakadaka: We hope you enjoyed our propaga..er programming. This is the Al-Jazeera. Remember to donate to our cause and help us fight against american imperialism.
Llama: That's right. If you pledge to us within the next hour, you'll receive a special gift package from our friends at Zarquai-Al-Bubufuck. Teach your kids the joy and spirit of insurgency. This is the Al-Jazeera network. Good Day to you all.
Llama: Titty fucking christ, my ass is numb.
Bakalakadaka: Llama, you seriously need to relax a bit more.
Llama: STOP CALLING ME LLAMA! My name is Richard White.
Bakalakadaka: Sorry. So are you going to Tom's house this week?
Richard: Fuck no. That guy's an asshole. He called me a jerk because I said Hubbard was a hack then he proceeded to molest his portrait of Hubbard on a cross with a thorn halo.
Bakalakadaka: Yeah, but that Holmes. DAAAAAAYUM. I wouldn't mind doing a jihad on her.
Richard: Here here.
Pyro: So, I guess this all worked out well.
I/O: What do you mean? *sips on industrial sized slurpee*
Pyro: Well, I had original ideas, I probaly offended some people and I take countless shots at Cruise...
Cruise: *walks by* Pyro Pyro Pyro, your a jer..
Pyro: *holds up Super Soaker* Don't fucking try me.
*P4yn3 and Mr. Nice walks by all giddy*
P4yn3: Pyro Pyro Pyro!
Pyro: You better not have Cruise Syndrome either.
Mr. Nice: Fuck no. P4yn3 saw Maddox and became star struck*
Pyro: O RLY?
Mr. Nice: YA RLY.
Maddox: Hey you twats.
P4yn3: OMFG MADDOX CALLED ME A TWAT CAN I LIEK HAV UR AUTOGRAPH?!!
Maddox: Get off my leg or shit will fly.
Pyro: Whats Maddox doing here at this 7-11?
Maddox: I actually came here to bitch...and rant...and complain...
Maddox: THOSE FUCKING SKITS YOU PUT OUT, KID!
Pyro: I know. I-Steve-O is a horrible writer..
Maddox: Not him, you.
Pyro: Dude, this is the internet. If you want to make this an opinion war, I am all up for it.
Maddox: Let's go then, I am a keyboard warrior.
Pyro: I am a keyboard master. I can type a whole blog entry with my penis.
Maddox: *Grows angry and evolves into Badass Piratemon*
P4yn3: *orgasms on pavement*
Maddox: *throws school bus full of children at Pyro*
Pyro: Yeeeeah, internet, serious business. I get it Maddox.
Maddox: Don't say those words again. They are the words used by shitstained psudeo journalists who spouts their opinions only to have 1 comment added saying 'i totally agree with you'.
Pyro: Blog you you blogging motherblogger.
Maddox: CHRIST ALMIGHTY, THERE ARE CHILDREN AROUND.
Pyro: Not really, just the ones from the bus. Oh look, the tardo in the wheelchair has an iPod.
Maddox: *head starts to throb*
P4yn3: Pyro! Don't piss my idol off. He is CRASH's god.
Pyro: Is there such a thing as an e-god?
Psy: Well, there's me..
Pyro: Shut up, Simon...
Maddox: You don't get it do you? I have the best page in the universe and here you are making me look like the jerk.
Cruise: Well, you are a jerk.
Maddox: Fuck off Cruise. I already rooted Holmes twice already. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have got better things to do. Like attend the National Association Of Tom Green Look Alikes.
P4yn3: Can I come?!
Maddox: Fuck off...
P4yn3: PYRO PYRO! DID YOU HEAR THAT?! HE TOLD ME TO FUCK OFF! MADDOX TOLD ME TO FUCK OFF! C'MON I/O! LETS GO HOME AND FUCK!
I/O: I am all over that! *P4yn3 and I/O run off*
Pyro: I need to get a better hobby...
ON THE NEXT KICKIN IT! Sandworms invade Arizona! The mysterious Revolution controller sparks controversy! More crap about how videogames teach people how to use guns and fuck machines! AND, The forum outcasts are taken seriously!