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mceggy
Newcastle charvs

Charvs originated from the North East, they listen to noise called 'new monkey' that they think is music and now wear burberry which was swapped with kappa clothes a while ago.

You can identify a herd of these species by what seems like a sea of berghaus coats, they seem to think that if they own one piece of overpriced clothing they are 'cool'. You occasionally (or always) see them walking around with white lightning cider, bella or the equivelent.

Now onto the war cries of the charv. If you enter thier territory e.g a dimly lit underpass, secluded part of a park afterdark, a back alley basically anywhere remotely lit then you will here almost suddenly "Who the fuck ye lookin at?", "Ye want ya gan lyk?", "Who the fuck ye taakin tee?" or "Let's fuck im".

You will never see this species alone, always in groups but if you do get to see one on it's own then take up the chance and beat the shit out of him/her. It's fun.
ENVi3
so waht I understand is that Charvs are gang? cause I didnt fee like reading all of it.
mceggy
Singular- Charv
Plural- Charvs

I refer to a group of them as a pack of animals, it's a metaphor.
Manic - Mailman
Dont u mean chavs?
And yes, yes we all know about thier beatthemupability.....well i know about it anyway....
Eyemace
No, chavs is just what everybody knows them by, they actually call themselves charvs, or the ones near me do anyway.
Also, like mceggy said, why do they think wearing hiking coats makes them look cool, I see old women with the same coats on.
Nic Nix
Heheh so true. Living in Newcastle I see bijillions of them and they're so scary and annoying... Psy was beaten up by a group of them last year and I've been chased by them a few times lol.
Manic - Mailman
QUOTE (Nic Nix @ Apr 5 2005, 10:14 PM)
Heheh so true. Living in Newcastle I see bijillions of them and they're so scary and annoying... Psy was beaten up by a group of them last year and I've been chased by them a few times lol.

Really, thats sad to hear.
But, for me the chavs are the targets....not us....unsure.gif ph34r.gif, i mean seriously, fuck being scared of chavs, i'm more worried about my GCSE's and wether there is some fucker with a breifcase nuke in central london...
Edgecrusher
Meh, they're little gobshites who think they're hard in groups of more than ten.
mceggy
They taunt the guy with no legs outside the entrance to Eldon Square every other day.
Kayess
down my end theyre called chavs or 'fucking pieces of shit in clothes with a nervous system' either way there twats that go around in a puegot 206 with a muffler tip and some shitty ass rims thinkin they playd the main role in 2 fast 2 furius, they also listen to music taht has no more than 2 betas and is played so fast u dunno wether its music ur hearing or the heart beat of an exhausted mouse, fucking chavs i hate em, and lol psy got rushed by chavs, its not funny when its psy on a pack of chavs, luklily no chav(s) have tried to rush me yet, hoopefully they wont cos i dont wanna put each and everyone of them in hospital biggrin.gif
psychř
dead ones........................................
Passionate Homo Sapiens Ingester
Firstly I should say there are a lot of good people in Glasgow. BUT, as there are a lot of people in Glasgow, there are also a LOT of bad people. The bad people in Glasgow seem to make themselves more visible and sometimes it seems like there are only bad people here but that is not really the case. The people you will come across most often are the "Neds". Neds themselves can be categorised into a number of different categories, all of which are described below.

The Common Ned: The common ned, as the name suggests, is the most common type of ned you will come across in Glasgow. This widespread ned will invariably be kitted out in brightly coloured track suits, which serves as a warning to decent folk to stay away, much like the brightly coloured stripes of a wasp. Another trait borrowed from the animal kingdom is the almost perpendicular cap angle, which can be equated to an animals instinctual response to a threat which may include ears pointing upwards, tail erect, or feathers cocked.

typical ned squad

To continue the animal analogy, these neds will travel in squads, and feel uncomfortable not doing so. Though, as they are so common, you will see many scattered all over the place, not unlike a plague or rats. Curiously, the Common Ned behaves as if he is amidst a plague of rats: trackies tucked into bright white socks stuffed into dazzlingly colourful trainers. Their squad culture gives them more confidence to harass members of the general public and if you see a troop of neds in the street or in a bus shelter or in a local park you may well become a target for their abuse and you may well hear such phrases uttered as 'you're a pure poofy wee prick' or 'look at the state ay you ya dobber' (a particularly ironic one). These phrases vary greatly and it is rare to hear the same line more than once from the same ned.

The Dressed Ned: It should be mentioned that it is rare to find a common ned over the age of 18. When a common ned gets old enough they will no longer wish to hang about in a bus shelter and they will usually graduate to become a 'Dressed Ned'. These neds can be seen in abundance on a Friday or Saturday night in Glasgow city centre. They will usually be wearing clothes which on average would have come to over 300 pounds, not including the tanning parlour fee. They will attend such lovely places as The Moon night club or perhaps Archaos or Destiny or the Savoy or Victorias or Walkabout (previously I would have mentioned Bonkers but the council got some sense on that front). If you wish to see some of these neds but don't wish to go to any of their places you may find it fruitful to hang around the streets at 3am on a weekend night and watch them fight and bottle each other until the sun comes up. I highly recommend the area at the intersection between Sauchihall street and Renfield street as this is truly scumbag central between 2am and 4am every Friday and Saturday night. It is like a little Bermuda triangle of seriously bad clubs and it's a haven for the dressed ned. Why do they all want to be Gareth Gates?

The Beggar Ned: Glasgow just wouldn't be Glasgow without the good old beggar ned. These neds make a (fairly healthy) living out of simply asking people for money in the street. If you give them the money they ask for they wont sing you a song, they wont do you a dance and they probably wont even thank you. Their request for 20p will usually be accompanied by a heart breaking story, but don't worry because the story isn't actually true. Perhaps if they toned it down a bit and made it more believable people would be fooled more often but then intelligence was never a virtue of the beggar ned. These neds will generally look similar to a common ned but only if you took the common ned and rolled him in some mud for a day or two then urinated on him.

The Wee Cheeky Ned: Firstly I should point out that all neds have big mouths, and many are cheeky, but the Cheeky Ned is an astonishingly impudent breed of ned, easily differentiated from the more common varieties. The purveyor of many a mischievous comment, this ned is full of disrespect for and defiance towards everyone and everything. Below average height, face permanently bearing an unsettlingly impish grin, and a voice as of yet unbroken, these tykes can be extremely irritating. And this irritation is amplified by the fact you can do absolutely nothing about it. Whenever you spot one, the chances are they will be surrounded by a scattering of Common Neds and a "Goon ned". It is this ned-curtain that gives them the courage to speak out at anything, and instils them with their legendary defiance. When surrounded by their kind, these neds fear nothing. They will mock any authority, whether it is a security guard, or a train-driver, and square up to people twice their size, separating them from their more common cousins who's cheekiness is largely incidental. So, if you ever trip up in the street in front of a squad of neds, and a mocking, shrill scream followed by elaborate impressions of you, replaces the more common 'ha ha, look at you ya nugget', you'll know that the troop was blessed with a cheeky ned.

The Mad Ned: This ned is quite rare, and will, more often than not, travel alone. Without even a trace of a conscience, the Mad Ned is very dangerous, and if spotted, must be avoided. Do not confuse this type of ned with the typical hard-man of a ned troop. The garden variety hard-man's tough guy image is merely an act of machismo, and will in most cases disappear along with his squad. The Mad Ned is a highly anti-social individual without a twinge of humanity who, when travelling with a squad, is the one described by his pals as having 'taken it too far', whether that be kicking a man to death, or introducing a cat to a firework. So, wherever a ned squad goes too far, a mad ned was travelling with them. Ordinary neds themselves fear them, and behave like sycophants around them.

More commonly, however, perhaps resulting from a slightly psychotic nature, they travel alone, with the aim to destroy people and property. Many have graced our televisions in programmes showing CCTV footage: the man seemingly without purpose, walking down the street at 2am damaging car after car; the unprovoked attack on a passer-by culminating in several stamps to the head; those curious individuals that push a blade into an innocent bystander for no other reason than they were there at the time. Unable to inhibit impulses in their brains like the rest of us, if this ned has a golf club, he will swing it whether he is playing golf or not, rather similar to the way a young child will attack anything and everything if given a plastic sword.

The Goon Ned: Any ned squad worth their kappas has a resident Goon ned, an oversized, vacant eyed galoot of sub-normal intelligence. Their purpose is appealingly simple: the physical protection of the squad. Where there are power vacancies within a squad, this ned will often take charge, a result of his physical prowess rather than his intellectual shrewdness. On the whole, however, the slightly smaller in stature hard man will take charge, and the Goon Ned will usually stick to what he's good at. Though these neds are easy to outwit, and it may be tempting to when face-to-chest with one, it isn't really worth a black eye, which is what you'll get, as physical aggression is the Goon Ned's answer to everything.

The Senga Ned: Like primitive tribes from stone-age times, each squad of neds will have their resident "senga neds". These female neds are quite distinctive in appearance. Senga neds wear pretty much the same clothes as the male neds when they are hanging around the streets or in bus stops, although this can dramatically change to pretty much no clothes if they are planning a trip to "the unders" or to the Moon night club. They are usually covered in bright gold jewelry and sporting gold name tags around their necks. People have been debating for years whether these name tags are to remind the senga of their name or to remind the male neds of the group what one he's "doin'" that night. Senga neds will also sport an abnormal number of gold chains round their necks along with an abnormal number of love bites. About half of all senga neds can be seen in the street usually pushing a pram with a number of children in it and a jacket hanging off of one handle of the pram and with a farm foods bag underneath it. No one knows what's in the farm foods bag. Spotting a senga ned in the street isn't very hard as they are usually heard before they are seen. It is common to hear a piercing shrill a couple of streets away indicating that a senga ned is mad at one of her males or an innocent girl who was passing by. Examples of the cries you may hear are "Av goat tae bring up 4 weans oan ma ain while your oot shaggin" or "whit the fuck were yay lookin at ma man fur ya 'nugly' cow". An aggressive senga is not a pretty sight so it's not advisable to approach one in the street at any time.

The Friendly Ned: This is a highly controversial ned to include but It has been spotted enough times to warrant an inclusion in this list. The friendly ned is a rare creature. It is unlikely that the friendly ned will exist in it's own right. It is more likely that a friendly ned is simply a common ned when he is in a squad of neds but transforms into a friendly ned when he is on his own. The friendly ned will usually be found on public transport and although it can seem slightly intimidating when they initially apporach you, it soon becomes obvious that this ned doesn't actually want to take your money or call you a dafty. He simply wants to participate in an irreverent conversation about football, drinking or fighting. These neds are not very dangerous but it may happen that occasionally when you have been engaged in a conversation with one of them that another common ned may approach causing a change in the friendly back to a common ned so they should be treated with caution. Friendly neds will usually always be male neds. It is extremely rare to find a friendly senga ned.

The Family Man Ned: This ned is predominantly found outside of the city centre. This ned will usually be seen making his way down the road pushing a pram, with at least two other small children trailing behind, on his way to the DSS. These children will almost certainly be fighting with each other or throwing stones at buses and so the family man ned will usually be shouting at them. "Michela, stoap flingin stanes at Charlene". This ned is slightly older than the other neds as he will have at least three children and can be considered as a good example of what happens to a young common ned who does not grow out of neddism. A ned can become trapped inside ned circles if he gets lumbered with a "wean", turning into a family man ned, usually at the ages of 13 to 15.

The Cruiser Ned: It is unusual to find this ned outside a car unless he is being questioned by the police and they are usually only seen from chest level up wearing a burberry base ball cap. These cruiser neds are dedicated to making their cars look as stupid as possible and they regularly congregate at public parks and waste ground to show off how stupid the cars look and how many unnecessary things they have added to their "motors" that week. These neds consume a lot of money to pursue their hobby and so will protect their cars with their life so it is not advisable to do anything to their cars other than point and laugh. Some people may get mixed up between a "cruiser ned" and a "common ned in a clapped out nova". The main difference between the two is that a cruiser ned will travel in circles for a whole night pumping crap music out of the window where as a common ned in a nova will drive fast for a night then set fire to the car.

The Working Ned: This is quite an unusual ned as they are not work shy in the slightest and will work full time hours like the rest of us. They do though, as you would imagine, bring their own touch of nedness to the working environment. The most common type of working ned is the one who gets on a bus in the morning (always the bus, even if a better transport option is available they will get on the bus) and head straight to the back to smoke a fag and discuss the weekend's football/fighting/drinking with his working ned friends. As this ned passes on the bus you will observe a glass bottle of Irn Bru and a Sun/Daily Record rolled up and in his back pocket and those big dirty brown boots with the woollen top on them that they all wear but aren't sold anywhere. Another type of working ned is the office ned. These working neds are not as obvious as the other kind as they are usually required to conform to the shirt and tie dress codes but you can spot one of these working neds by a sly pair of Burberry socks or a cap that comes off before the office is entered. These neds will also usually drive a car with unnecessary things attached to it and will bomb it into and out of the office car park in a show of neddism.
mceggy
Not in my topic dry.gif
Damn you liar.
Manic - Mailman
My god, im saving the link to that post, i read some of it but i coudn't be botherd afterwards, but the thing is, wether they are called neds or chavs, always fear, not them, but men with breifcase nukes.

And most Terrorists.
And Micheal Jackson.....
Passionate Homo Sapiens Ingester
user posted image
^Bleh
Edgecrusher
rofl
mceggy
rofl muh dofle
Mekstizzle
roofles
Passionate Homo Sapiens Ingester
http://www.freewebs.com/bdtm1/Aybneds.htm

Honestly though. That is glasgow's culture there.
DeKo
yep the ned - Non educated delinquent

gotta love them.
Kuwong
chavs/charvs you gotta hate them, goddamn bastards, with their burbury, they should be cast to russia, and left there.
FX
QUOTE (eyemace @ Apr 5 2005, 09:38 PM)
No, chavs is just what everybody knows them by, they actually call themselves charvs, or the ones near me do anyway.
Also, like mceggy said, why do they think wearing hiking coats makes them look cool, I see old women with the same coats on.

ive never heard of charvs? but the best place to come for chavs is coventry (where i live) AKA Chaventry
Catnip
We have chavs in Australia, except we call them bogans.
http://members.dodo.com.au/~geoff_dani/bogans.htm
Nanook
QUOTE
Others suggest it originates from a nickname used of people from the town of Chatham or from the the combination of the place name "Cheltenham" and the class label "Average".
- Wikipedia

QUOTE
A writer in the Independent thought it derived from the name of the town of Chatham in Kent, where the term is best known and probably originated.
- Site I forgot to get name of!

QUOTE
The word chav  has become common in southern England, and is generally thought to come from Chatham girls (Chatham is a town in Kent.)
- Oxford University Press


I have the honour of knowing Chav-ism started 2 miles from my town huh.gif dry.gif
FX
i hate chavs
Kuwong
and ive never heard of charv only chav, i thought it was a typo at first, lol.
FX
QUOTE (kuwong @ Apr 6 2005, 01:43 PM)
and ive never heard of charv only chav, i thought it was a typo at first, lol.

me too
Beano
user posted image

the infamous 'chav' burbary cats,
unlike normal hoody wearing people (normal people,scallies and goths (im in normal people by the way)) the chavs will wear there 'chav' hats under there hoodies or not wear hoodies at all

ps. many people can be sen with normal hats under their hoodies ('part from goths)

user posted image

the 'chav' car -> usually a nova or 206

usually badly modded (this 1 looks average) they will try to make their car look 'propa bangin' (or another chav phrase meaning good).


scallies are sometimes wrongly thought of as chavs
most of these arent actually scum despite what the people in the shops say! wink.gif
FX
i once saw a program about celebrity chavs.....
Mekstizzle
But i dont understand what you guys are on, there easy to beat up. dry.gif
FX
depends lol
ManBeast
Easy to beat up, yes.

But me and my mates were chased by a group of 15.
Mekstizzle
But seriously, lol i'm ashamed to say it, seeing as it was against teh law, but my and my freinds once targeted a gang....(there were about 11 of us and 8 of them tongue.gif) and i'm not proud of what we did, is the least i can say.
ManBeast
How old were they, you?
Mekstizzle
QUOTE (Manbeast @ Apr 6 2005, 02:21 PM)
How old were they, you?

We are 15/16 they looked like they were a group of 15/16/17 year olds.
One of my mates had a cricket bat...coming to think of it, that day was fucked up, we could have easily been put into juvinile centers for what we did, fucking hell. Its better off running away from them, then beating them up though. Dont ask why, it just is.
Nanook
We have so many "gangs" in my area.
We have this weird fucked up group called "The Smiley Gang" and there are hundreds of them, they'll chase after you and slit your mouth from ear to ear, so your 'smiling', bastards.
Then we have the chavs, in the place that started it all, Chatham, which is great, cos you never get tired of them. And some others too. Best to stay away from all of them
Kuwong
you god damn idiot!







































you have my upmost respect clap.gif
ManBeast
QUOTE (Mechanicalistic™ @ Apr 6 2005, 02:26 PM)
QUOTE (Manbeast @ Apr 6 2005, 02:21 PM)
How old were they, you?

We are 15/16 they looked like they were a group of 15/16/17 year olds.
One of my mates had a cricket bat...coming to think of it, that day was fucked up, we could have easily been put into juvinile centers for what we did, fucking hell. Its better off running away from them, then beating them up though. Dont ask why, it just is.

Nice man, the kids that beat up my friends could have been put into prisons too. At least they got a taste of thier own medicine.
Mekstizzle
QUOTE (Nanook @ Apr 6 2005, 02:29 PM)
We have so many "gangs" in my area.
We have this weird fucked up group called "The Smiley Gang" and there are hundreds of them, they'll chase after you and slit your mouth from ear to ear, so your 'smiling', bastards.

Yikes, they sound like an actual gang. No cricket bat hitting them in the face thats for sure.
Kuwong
yeah they sound fucking dangerous, if they have been known to do this, why havent the police arrested them? and wouldnt sliting someones face from ear to ear, make the front of their face fall off?
Mekstizzle
QUOTE (kuwong @ Apr 6 2005, 02:37 PM)
yeah they sound fucking dangerous, if they have been known to do this, why havent the police arrested them? and wouldnt sliting someones face from ear to ear, make the front of their face fall off?

It would be more of a slash than a complete cut through head thing....
Kuwong
well if it goes from one ear, to the side of the mouth, then the other ear to the side of the mouth, the whole top half of your face would be like a flap almost, but then im not too sure.
Mekstizzle
QUOTE (kuwong @ Apr 6 2005, 02:42 PM)
well if it goes from one ear, to the side of the mouth, then the other ear to the side of the mouth, the whole top half of your face would be like a flap almost, but then im not too sure.

Just a cut, a massive cut that would ruin your life and possibly kill you, but i doubt it would be like a flap or something tongue.gif
ch00b
i hate gangs its so ghey, but then again ive never had troubles with'em.. but im pretty known in my town tho ive beat quiet a few hard people up allready (not that im proud of it or that i wanna become some popular guy on the forum lol).. Guess the 10years of kungfu helped me out a bit in my fights ph34r.gif
Nanook
QUOTE (kuwong @ Apr 6 2005, 03:37 PM)
yeah they sound fucking dangerous, if they have been known to do this, why havent the police arrested them? and wouldnt sliting someones face from ear to ear, make the front of their face fall off?

It's just a cut like you get when a knife slices your thumb or something but it goes all over.
The police have done some stuff but they still do it cos there are hundreds of them, some of the areas are no go areas after like 10pm, pretty scary
ManBeast
Isnt that called the Chelsea smile?
mceggy
All of you STFU!

Charvs come from NE England but a southern fuck up decided to take the r out and call them chavs. Everytime I hear chavs mentioned it annoys me, it's like how america changes english word's spelling or pronunciation.
Nanook
QUOTE (mceggy @ Apr 6 2005, 04:41 PM)
All of you STFU!

Charvs come from NE England but a southern fuck up decided to take the r out and call them chavs. Everytime I hear chavs mentioned it annoys me, it's like how america changes english word's spelling or pronunciation.

Depends which came first, I couldn't tell you when 'chavs' started being talked about but it was a few years ago
Kuwong
i have always known chav, and i have never heard someone say "charv" just doesnt sound right.
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