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bigtex
post Dec 23 2004, 04:49 AM
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okay I got one,

its called My First Time,

The sky was dark
The moon was high
All alone
Just her and I
Her hair so soft
Her eyes so blue
I knew just what
She wanted to do
Her skin so soft
Her legs so fine
I ran my fingers
Down her spine
I didn't know how
But I tried my best
To place my hand
On her breasts
I remember my fear
My fast beating heart
But slowly she spread
Her legs apart
And when she did it
I felt no shame
All at once
The white stuff came
At last it's finished
It's all over now
My first time
Milking a cow!


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you would like to know the name of the babe on the left would'ntcha
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Do Not Trust thi...
post Dec 26 2004, 10:16 PM
Post #82


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I got one for ye.


I went to the nativity play at the Cloneing Clinic, it was awful, they were all trying to play God!


Badumdum..CHHHH!!!!

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Thanks To Mech for the Animation above ^_^
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DukeOfLoaf
post Dec 28 2004, 09:42 PM
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A guy goes into a bar, gets drunk and uses the toilet.

He comes back the next day, sober, and says to the Bartender "this is a great bar, I love the bathroom, and those great golden toilet seats!"

The Bartender says immediatly ,"Hey Murphy, I found the guy that crapped in your tuba!"

_____________________________________________________________

A guy walks into a bar on the penthouse level of a very tall builing. He sits down, orders a huge beer, downs it, walks over to window and jumps out.


Five minutes later, the guy walks into orders a huge beer, downs it and jumps out the window again. Five minuts later he reappears and repeats the whole thing.


About half an hour later, another guy at the bar stops and asks the first guy how he did that. The first guy says," Its really simple physics. When you down a beer, it makes you feel all warm inside and, since warm air rises, if you just hold your breath, you become lighter than air and float down to the sidewalk."

"Wow I got to try that!"

He goes through the routine of order a beer and so on.... and he jumps out the window and splats on the sidewalk below.

The bartender looks over to the first man and says, "You know, Superman, you act like a real jerk when you're drunk"

______________________________________________________________________

A guy goes into a bar and watches an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman each being served a pint of guinness. Just as they are about to enjoy the creamy beverage, a fly lands in each of their pints and becomes entangled in the thick head. The Englishman pushes his beer away from him in disgust.

The Irishman fishes the fly out of his beer and continues drinking as if nothing had happened.

The Scotsman picks the fly out of his drink, holds it out over the beer, and yells, "Spit it out!! Spit it out you bastard!!!"


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Fran
post Dec 29 2004, 06:39 PM
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three men are in the desert and haven't seen anything for days then they see 20 naked woman and go in for the pull later on that day the knig comes in and says all of those 20 woman are my wives and who ever messes with them will be killed but the law states you must be killed in the manner of where you work

so the king asks the first man what do you do for work he says "i am a police man" the king says guards take him away and clobber him to death the king says to the second man what do you do for a job he says"i am a fireman" the king says "guards take him away and burn him to death then the king asks the thrd man what he does for work
with a smile on his face the third man says "i am a loly pop maker"

if you don't get it look down









he would be sucked to death


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Get Inda Car HO ...
post Dec 31 2004, 03:26 AM
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A high school special needs teach is on the first day of school. She takes attendence and ask; " Whos Dick Hertz, who is Dick Hertz!?". The a really strange and ugly kid raises his hand and says' "Mine does" roll2.gif


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Darkey
post Dec 31 2004, 01:10 PM
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Three men was on the street, They got killed by a truck on their way to the bar. They went up to heaven and then God said: If you guys have a 50 cm big penis together I'll let u get back on earth.
The first one: 39
The second: 10
The third: 1
Then God said: Very well, get back to earth.
When the guys was back on earth the first one said: U guys were lucky I have such a big one.
The second: U guys were lucky I had such a big one.
The third one: U guys were lucky I was horny!


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Caracaos
post Jan 1 2005, 10:34 AM
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QUOTE
This kid went up to his dad and asked his dad, "What's the difference between potentially and realistically, dad ?".
His dad says, "Okay, son, go ask your mom if she would sleep with Rob Redford for a million $$$. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million $$$. Then ask your brother if he would sleep with Tom Cruise for a million $$$."
The kid says, "okay." and goes off to his mom.
"Mom, would you sleep with Rob Redford for a million $$$ ?" says the kid.
His mom responds with, "Of course I would, he is so handsome."

The kid goes off to his sister, and asks her, "Sis, would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million $$$ ?"
His sister says, "Damn right, he is so fine."

Now, the kid goes to his brother. "Bro, would you sleep with Tom Cruise for a million $$$ ?"
Bro: Of course I would, for the million $$$.

The kid goes to his dad.
Dad: So, son, do you know the difference between potentially and realistically ?
Son: I sure do, dad.
Dad: What's the difference ?
Son: Potentially, we're sitting on top of 3 million dollars. Realistically, we're living with 2 sluts and a fag.


I know this one is VERY rascist, but it was quite funny, initially.
QUOTE
Q. What do you say when you see your TV floating in the living room in the middle of the night ? A. DROP IT NIGGER.


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Darkey
post Jan 1 2005, 12:58 PM
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How sounds a rascist chainsaw?

Rrun nigger nigger nigger
Rrun nigger nigger nigger... DIEEEEEE!!!!


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Grand Theft Auto...
post Jan 1 2005, 07:41 PM
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What do you call a fish under some ice?


















Frozen fish! stupid.gif


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'Like a raggedy ass motherfucker'









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A-Dogg
post Jan 2 2005, 06:05 AM
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the sizes on the new condem pack read as the following:

large
medium
caucasian


in not racist cuz im white(thers the fist time ull hear taht


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dropitlykitzhot1...
post Jan 5 2005, 12:59 AM
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A bloke wins the lottery and decides to buy himself a Harley Davidson, he goes down to his local bike shop and after purchasing a top of the range bike, the owner of the shop tells him to coat the bike in Vaseline every time it looks like raining. That night he goes and picks his girlfriend up on his new toy and heads over to her parents house for the first time. As they arrive there, she explains to him that whenever they have dinner, don't talk.
"If you talk," she tells him, "you have to do the pots." The man is astounded as he walks into the house as it is a complete mess. Anyway, the family all sit down for dinner not saying a word. The man decides to take advantage of the situation by groping his girlfriend's tits, yet there is not a sound from anyone.
So he decides to shag his bird on the table, and still there is not a word. He then proceeds to do his girlfriend's mum over the table, but still, amazingly, there's not a word from anyone. Just at that moment he notices the rain on the kitchen window and remembers his precious motorbike, so he reaches into his pocket and flops the Vaseline out.
At which point his girlfriend's dad leaps up and shouts, "Okay! Okay! I'll do the f***ing pots!"

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sorry to all u Michel Jackson fans out there but i think this one is really funny.

By the way i have no idea how you spell Michel.


What do Michel Jackson ans a PS2 have in common?

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Six of the seven dwarfs are sitting around the house one day when Sleepy rushes in and says, "Guess what guys, I've won a trip to see the Pope!" Everyone gets all excited and chants, "We finally get to ask him, we finally get to ask him."

The next day, they are standing in front of the Pope, Dopey out in front of the other six. All the other six start pushing Dopey and

saying, "Go ahead, Dopey, ask him, ask him!"

The Pope looks at Dopey and asks, "Do you have a question to ask me, young man?"

Dopey looks up shyly and says, "Well, yes."

The Pope tells him to go ahead and ask. Dopey asks, "Well, do....do they have nuns in Alaska?"

The Pope replies, "Well, yes, I'm sure we have nuns in Alaska."

The others all keep nudging Dopey and chanting, "Ask him the rest, Dopey, ask him the rest!"

The Pope asks Dopey if there's more to his question, and Dopey continues, "Well, uh, do they have, uh, black nuns in Alaska?"

To which the Pope replies, "Well, my son, I think there must be a few black nuns in Alaska, yes."

Still not satisfied, the others keep saying, "Ask him the last part, Dopey, ask him the last part!"

The Pope asks Dopey, "Is there still more to your question?"

To which Dopey replies, "Well, uh, yeah.....are there, uh, are there any midget black nuns in Alaska?"

The startled Pope replies, "Well, no, my son, I really don't think there are any midget black nuns in Alaska."

At this, Dopey turns all kinds of colors, and the others start laughing, and yelling, "Dopey screwed a penguin, Dopey screwed a penguin!"



Once there were two twins, Joe and John. Joe was the owner of a dilapidated old boat. It so happened that John's wife died the same day that Joe's boat sank.

A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Joe and mistook him for John. She said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible."

Joe, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, "Heck no. The fact is, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish.

"She was always losing her water, she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy.

"I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle."

The old lady fainted.










They are both made of plastic and get turned on by little kids.
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davey boy
post Jan 5 2005, 03:23 PM
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a man walks into a clock shop
he doesnt say anything,he just walks up to the counter and gets his cock out
the woman behind the counter says: im sorry sir i think you have the wrong idea,this is a clock shop!.
the man says:
I know yea! put two hands and a face on that!
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Guest_Randomly-Insane_*
post Jan 7 2005, 06:45 AM
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^^^ you got that from ebaumsworld biggrin.gif


Did you hear about the new Black Barbie?

It comes with 12 kids, AIDS and a welfare check.
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Mr.eyes
post Jan 7 2005, 10:54 PM
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QUOTE (7halo @ Oct 15 2004, 01:50 PM)
QUOTE
like the one about the jews someone said above

What is the difference between a Jew and a Pizza,

The Pizza doesnt scream in the oven

Haha, I heard one like this, but I gotta throw in a disclaimer first...

DISCLAIMER: I'm not racist in anyway and it was one of my black friends that even told me this joke. Don't take it to heart and don't think that I'm out trying to troll. It's just a joke. thumbup.gif

What's the difference between a nigger and a pizza?

A Pizza can feed a family of four.

Weak

I am also not a racist so dont take it to heart.

How many jews can you fit into a car? depends hoow big your ash tray is.

sorry to who i have offended.

Disclaimer: i will tell some racist jokes later. heads up.
wallbash_red.gif ph34r.gif tongue.gif


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TySoNpUrCeLL
post Jan 8 2005, 09:33 AM
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1.Q:what do michael jackson and santa claus have in common
A:they both leave little boys rooms with empty sacks

2.it was little johnys b'day and his dad said he could have anything he wanted so later that day his dad had a shower and little johny asked if he join him so since his dad said he could have anything he said yes.
little johny asked his dad pointing at his lower region ''what is that'' (penis) his dad replied that is my little green alien.
So again later that day little johny asked his dad if he could sleep with him for the night.
So since it was his b'day he said yes.
So the next morning his dad woke up in hospital and asked little johny what he was doin in hospital, he replied your little green alien spat at me so i bit its head off
Lol that ones funn y
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Pitbull
post Jan 8 2005, 10:44 PM
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ok, two men are talking to each other, when one suddenly says:

"what would you do, if the world ended in 3 minutes"

to which the other man said:

"I'd fuck everything that moved. What would you do?"

to which the first man said:

"I'd stand prefectly Still"


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gtasanandreasgee...
post Jan 9 2005, 10:32 PM
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lol all those micheal jackson jokes are funny.


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GrandTheftAnal
post Jan 11 2005, 07:56 AM
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What do black people and sperm have in common?

Only one in a million work.


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Eyemace
post Jan 11 2005, 10:23 PM
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raul, ronaldo and beckham are all sat in the real madrid canteen, raul gets his lunch out and says, damn if i get taco's one more time im gonna jump off the top of the stadium, ronaldo gets out his lunch and says, if i get burrito's one more time im also gonna jump off the top of the stadium, beckham looks in his lunchbox and says, damn if i get cheese and ham once more ill also jump off the top of the stadium, a day goes by and they are sat in the canteen again, raul gets out his lunch, and seeing taco's, does what he says and jumps off the stadium to his death, ronaldo also gets burritos again and jumps off the stadium, to his death, beckham looks and seeing cheese and ham again also jumps to his death.

a couple of weeks go by and the widows of the 3 football stars are at the funeral, rauls wife starts talking, if id have known he didnt want taco's again i wouldve made him something different, ronaldos wife also starts talking, if id have known he didnt like burritos so much i also wouldnt have made him them,
They both turn to victoria beckham, who says, dont look at me, he packs his own lunch


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Your sister's HOT but your mom does that thing with her tongue.
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ZeKayeM
post Jan 12 2005, 02:53 PM
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Racist Jokes Follow, you have been warned.

Q.Whats the difference between an aboriginal and a large table?
A. A table can support a family

Q. Whats 3 things you cant give an aboriginal?
A. A black eye, a fat lip, a job

Q. What do you call an aboriginal in your mailbox?
A. Blackmail

Q. What do you call an aboriginal in the snow?
A. lamington

(i am not a racist, i just think the jokes are funny)


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We are slaves to the system
working jobs that we hate
so we can buy shit that we dont need.
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