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Fran
post Nov 15 2004, 05:46 PM
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Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Ralph out.

When the Head Nurse became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph, the patient you saved, hung himself right after you saved him with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"


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The Artist Formally Known As Fran!
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jake_snoogins
post Nov 16 2004, 02:10 AM
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A black guy and a spanish guy are in a car who's driving?

A cop


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Landmine has taken my sight
Taken my speech
Taken my hearing
Taken my arms
Taken my legs
Taken my soul
Left me with life in hell - Metallica
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grovestreetgang
post Nov 16 2004, 02:20 AM
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How do you make a polish person go crazy?









Put him in a circular shaped room and tell him to pee in the corner.


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About Flowers in The Game
QUOTE (jfk @ Nov 16 2004, 04:01 PM)
you can give it to police and hope they let you go. :P
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McGEE
post Nov 17 2004, 08:14 AM
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Q: Why do women get periods?
A: They deserve them

Q: Why did god invent Thrush?
A: So women could learn to live with an irritating cunt before they married one


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Damocles
post Nov 17 2004, 09:25 AM
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An American is driving around in Southern Ireland and he gets lost, so he pulls up by the side of the road where an old rustic type is sitting and says "Hey buddy, where does this road go?"

The Irishman thinks for a moment and says "Well it's here in the morning when I get up, and it's here at night when I go to bed, so I don't think it goes anywhere."

The American laughs and goes "Ah, ya dumb assed Irish."

The Irishman looks at him and replies "Dumb, I might be, but lost, I'm not."


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kobain
post Nov 22 2004, 07:57 PM
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a dyslexic man walks into a bra...


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LOL, K. I'm copying all the cool kids.
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Papa Lazarou
post Nov 23 2004, 12:06 PM
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2 old ladies standing on the beach when a naked man walks past

One of the old ladies has a stroke

The other couldn't quite reach



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Damocles
post Nov 27 2004, 02:22 PM
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QUOTE (kobain @ Nov 22 2004, 08:57 PM)
a dyslexic man walks into a bra...

Actually I was waiting for a metro the other day and I was attacked by a dyslexic busker.

He hit me with his janbo.


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freestyler_onli
post Nov 27 2004, 04:54 PM
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I can't be bothered to see if this is up but i'll post it anyway:


George Bush is doing a tour of a small town. One day he is going to see the children of a small school. He turns up and all his security get out and go into the hall. He stands up infront of the kids and says 'Does anyone have any questions?'
A boy puts his hand up. 'What's your name son?' he asks.
'Im Billy and i've got 2 questions:'
1.Why are you president when Al Gore got more votes
and
2. Is it true that Bin laden is hiding in a cave?'

Suddenly the luch bell sounds and they all go for lunch.

They all come back and Bush asks if anyone has any questions. Another lad puts his hand up. 'Im Johnny and i've got 4 questions:
1.Why are you president when Al Gore got more votes
2. Is it true that Bin laden is hiding in a cave
3.Why did the lunch bell ring 20 minutes early
and
4.Where the hell has Billy gone???'

wink.gif

I got a text message from the girlfriend the other day. It said 'Why don't you come round baby-there's no-one in.'

So i went round and there was no-one in............
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gimpface
post Nov 27 2004, 06:28 PM
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why did the chicken cross the road?

to get to the other side laugh.gif
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Blak Majik
post Nov 28 2004, 05:29 AM
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Whats the difference between a picture of jesus and the real thing?
It only takes one nail to hang the picture.

Why couldn't Stevie Wonder read?
Because he was black.

Why do black people smell?
So blind people can hate them to.

And now some long ones

Osama writes to George W. Bush
After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send George W. a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.

Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a coded message:

370HSSV-0773H

Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Colin Powell.

Colin and his aides had no clue either so they sent it to the FBI.

No one could solve it so it went to the CIA, and then to the NSA,
then to the Secret Service.

With no clue as to it's meaning, they eventually asked Canada's RCMP
(Royal Canadian Mounted Police) for help.

The RCMP cabled the White House as follows:

"Tell the President he is looking at the message upside down"



President Bush was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the discussion on the word "tragedy".

So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a "tragedy".
One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy."

"No," said Bush, "that would be an accident."

A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explained the president. "That's what we would call a great loss."

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Bush searched the room.
"Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally at the back of the room a small boy raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said: "If Air Force One carrying you and Mrs. Bush was struck by a "friendly fire" missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy."

"Fantastic!" exclaimed Bush. "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?"
"Well," says the boy, "It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be an accident either."




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Round & Round...
We do what we do
Plant our seeds in the ground
Saturate the sound while the world goes around
Drop a bomb on the planet and watch it explode
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gimpface
post Nov 29 2004, 07:10 PM
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why did the skeleton cross the road?

to get to the body shop laugh.gif
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Carlos Del Aztec...
post Dec 2 2004, 10:07 PM
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my name is Shorty Long but you can call me Long for short. LOL
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mcchicken89
post Dec 7 2004, 06:06 PM
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Q: wots the best thins about having sex with twenty-one year olds?
A:Theres twenty of them
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Blak Majik
post Dec 10 2004, 05:19 AM
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How do you get a poof to root a chick??

Put shit in her pussy.


....sorry. biggrin.gif


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Round & Round...
We do what we do
Plant our seeds in the ground
Saturate the sound while the world goes around
Drop a bomb on the planet and watch it explode
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IronRocker
post Dec 11 2004, 01:30 PM
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Two blondes walked into a bar, you would have thought one of them would have seen it!! laugh.gif

A man was standing outside a pub waiting for his mate to arrive, The man turned round to see if his mate was there and he saw a big waterwell, he wonderd how deep it was so he through a stone down it. "WOW!" he said, "Thats deep!"
Then he found a railway sleeper (big plank of wood) & he through that down there.
"Shit! Man, thats deep!" Then he heard sumthing running after him, it was a goat!
"Oh My God!!!!" said the bloke as he jumped out the way, then he saw sumthing very odd, the goat jumped down the well! "Well....That was weird" said the man.
After a while a farmer came out of the pub, looked around & said: "Excuse me sir, but have you seen my goat? He was tied up to a railway sleeper"!!!! :lol laugh.gif


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LanceVance
post Dec 14 2004, 10:33 PM
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Why Couldn;t G-Unit Get Off The Bus?


























because they didn't have 50 Cent.


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HypnoToad
post Dec 15 2004, 02:46 AM
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An Irish man is walking down the street with a sack his friend spots him and walks over. "Lionel what would you be doing with that sack there" says the friend. "Oh I'm getting rid of my Hamsters" replies Lionel. "Hamsters!?" says the friend "what do you say lionel if I can guess how many hamsters are in the sack you'd let me have one?". The Irish man replies "Look if you can guess how many hamsters are in this sack I'll give you both of them".
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Fugitive
post Dec 20 2004, 10:14 PM
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What do you get if you mix Alcohol with a Trip to France ??

Plastered and Paris


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theRat
post Dec 21 2004, 01:28 PM
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What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe?

























Roberto.
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