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BULLETZ144
post Oct 12 2004, 12:07 PM
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Why did the boy fall of the bike?

because some one threw a fridge at him!!!!!


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!@!@!@!!!!111one!!!!


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chicago
post Oct 13 2004, 12:03 AM
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heres a riddle one day a boy comes to a house his netbors so here goes can i use your baithroom? she gos yeah but first say all of your abcs ok a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x why z hey but wait weres the p? its going down my leg
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BigBirdIsPunk
post Oct 13 2004, 01:35 AM
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A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."

The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."

The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."

"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

"Tiger Woods."

"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"

"Yeah."

"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."

The husband and wife then make passionate love.

When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

"What are you doing?" asks the wife.

The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.

When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks.

The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it again."

The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.

When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"

"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn hole."


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Edgecrusher
post Oct 13 2004, 03:21 AM
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QUOTE (Retardo @ Oct 11 2004, 05:22 PM)
Whats the difference between Gill Dandow and Daz?????????

Daz past the door step challenge.

That is really sick, lmao anyway though.


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Blitz
post Oct 14 2004, 06:39 AM
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QUOTE (Retardo @ Oct 11 2004, 05:22 PM)
Whats the difference between Gill Dandow and Daz?????????

Daz past the door step challenge.

OUCH

That was, HARSH

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like the one about the jews someone said above

What is the difference between a Jew and a Pizza,

The Pizza doesnt scream in the oven


I cant tell that to my mates without having to warn them first tongue.gif


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Cyrill
post Oct 15 2004, 12:29 PM
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this is my alltime favourite joke, its a bit long but its good.


A man was walking through the forest looking for somewhere to stay for the night. Eventually, he came across a random, multistory mansion, so he walked up the front stairs to knock on the front door. A guy answered, "can i trouble you to let me stay the night here? I have nowhere to stay," he pleaded "only on 1 condition," replied the owner. "you will not lay 1 finger on my daughter. if you do, i will inflict onto you the three worst chinese tortures known to man." it didnt sound to good, but he agreed, as he desperatly needed somewhere to stay. At the dinner table that night, the man saw the daughter for the 1st time; she was a sweet, 19-year-old hottie. All throughout the dinner, the man and the daughter stared at each other, winking, licking their lips & generally indicating thier intentions. that night the man snuck into the daughters room for a quiet night of bootie boogie, then returned to his room at the top of the mansion. when he awoke he felt a tremendous weight on him and found a note on his chest, it read "Chinese Torture #1 - Big arse rock on chest." "Ok, thats not so bad," he thought in his post-sleep haze, as he lifted it off. "I hope the rest are like this." So he got up and threw the rock out the window. As he threw it he saw a rapidly unravelling rope and another note on the window sill. it read "Chinese Torture #2 - left testical tied to rock." " OH SH!T! a few broken bones won't be as bad as my testical being ripped off," he thought, so he quickley dived out the window after it. on the way to the ground he noticed a huge note on the side of the mansion which read "Chinese Torture #3 - right testical tied to bed."


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bobert
post Oct 15 2004, 12:38 PM
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what is the similarity between michael jackson and mcdonalds?

50 year old meat between eleven year old buns


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7halo
post Oct 15 2004, 12:50 PM
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QUOTE
like the one about the jews someone said above

What is the difference between a Jew and a Pizza,

The Pizza doesnt scream in the oven

Haha, I heard one like this, but I gotta throw in a disclaimer first...

DISCLAIMER: I'm not racist in anyway and it was one of my black friends that even told me this joke. Don't take it to heart and don't think that I'm out trying to troll. It's just a joke. thumbup.gif

What's the difference between a nigger and a pizza?

A Pizza can feed a family of four.
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Bluntman & C...
post Oct 15 2004, 01:33 PM
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QUOTE (7halo @ Oct 15 2004, 09:50 AM)
QUOTE
like the one about the jews someone said above

What is the difference between a Jew and a Pizza,

The Pizza doesnt scream in the oven

Haha, I heard one like this, but I gotta throw in a disclaimer first...

DISCLAIMER: I'm not racist in anyway and it was one of my black friends that even told me this joke. Don't take it to heart and don't think that I'm out trying to troll. It's just a joke. thumbup.gif

What's the difference between a nigger and a pizza?

A Pizza can feed a family of four.

LMFAO...

Q: How do you babysit a black kid?
A: Lick his lips and stick him to a window


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Cyrill
post Oct 15 2004, 02:01 PM
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Q: y do the navy use liquid soap?


A: it takes longer to pick up


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Bluntman & C...
post Oct 15 2004, 03:41 PM
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QUOTE (Cyrill @ Oct 15 2004, 11:01 AM)
Q: y do the navy use liquid soap?


A: it takes longer to pick up

Ewww...

Q: What do you call Hermeroids on an Eskimo's ass?
A: Polaroids!


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Shinedown_32327
post Oct 15 2004, 05:34 PM
Post #32


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QUOTE
2 neighbor kids, a little boy, Jonny, and a little girl, Jennie, and they were always picking on each other by saying, "My dad can beat up you dad," etc.

One day they are outside playing, and Jonny says, "Hey, Jennie, come here."

Jennie skips over and asks, "What do you want?"

Jonny replys, "I talked to my big brother yesterday and he said," as he pulled down his pant, "that I have one of these and you don't!"

Jennie was speechless and ran home crying.

The next day Jennie says, "Hey, Jonny, come here."

Jonny walks over laughing. "Yea?"

Jennie said, "I told my mom what you said to me yesterday, and she said," as she pulls down her pants, "that I have one of these and you dont! BUT... with one of these I can get as many of those as I want!"


i love these kinda things VVVV
QUOTE

Did you ever wonder...

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

If people from Poland are called "Poles" why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?"

Why do we say something is out of whack? What's in whack?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't they be wearing nightgowns?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with!

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's?"

Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe, you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint, you will have to touch it to be sure?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

What hair color do they put on the drivers licenses of bald men?

I was thinking how people seem to read the Bible more as they get older, then it dawned on me . . . they're cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them!? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail!?

How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

No one ever says "It's only a game" when their team is winning.

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out its nose?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?



QUOTE

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the
local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my
husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very
embarrassing. What should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you.
I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will
motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a
good poke in the leg."

In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing
this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the
ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.

"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the
hatpin.

"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr.
Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is
your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards
Mrs. Jones.

"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.

"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr.
Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not
notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few
motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her
husband with the hatpin again.

The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore
him his 99th son?"

Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that
goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half
and shove it up your ass!"

"Amen," replied the congregation.



QUOTE

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly
speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The
monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on
the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I
start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the
beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He
proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after
mass, he found the following note on his door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy,
Junior, and the Spook.

8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.

9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey,
don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10.We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!

11.When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take
this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me."

12.The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the
Cherry".

13.The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub,
thanks for the grub, yeah God". and finally...

14.Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at
St.Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.


ill get some more later... hope you liked em.. thumbup.gif
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FuddMan
post Oct 15 2004, 06:33 PM
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What is long, hard, and sticks so far out of a mans trousers that you could hang a hat on it?

The mans head!!!!111!!!111oneoneoneoneone!!1111one!


that was so fucking funny!!!!!!!


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QUOTE (Psy)
Well, I must be honest, I do occasionally have the odd night off where I stick my fingers in as many pussy's as I can
php stands for psy humping pussy


zomg it's DuffMan's clone.
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tonycorleone
post Oct 15 2004, 07:03 PM
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man some funny shit in here. of course some funnier than others


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jayzamann
post Oct 16 2004, 05:48 AM
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QUOTE
Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so St. Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"

The first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell-but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge, and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balchoy."

"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.

The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.

"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

The third man came to the front of the line, and St. Peter asked for his story.

"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator..."
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DeKo
post Oct 16 2004, 10:12 PM
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QUOTE
What do you call a blonde standing on her head?
A brunette with bad breath.


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DeKo
post Oct 16 2004, 10:14 PM
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QUOTE
Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex.
"It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours," Clem recalled.

"That sounds wonderful," said Jed.

"Yes. It was okay until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us."

"Oh my God! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter?"

"Baaaaa..."



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Bulkstack
post Oct 16 2004, 10:55 PM
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A teenagers girlfreind visits his house, unfortunatly the teenager dont know what to do so he asks his dad for help

Teen: Dad shes going upstairs what shall i do

Dad: Go upstairs with her

Teen: Dad shes going in my bedroom what shall i do

Dad: Go in your bedroom with her

Teen: Dad shes taking her clothers off what shall i do

Dad: Take ya clothes off with her

Teen:Dad shes getting in my bed what shall i do

Dad: get in bed with her

Teen: Dad shes shifting towards me what shall i do

Dad: put the hairest part of your body in her vannie

Tee: Dad i got my head stuck


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I/O
post Oct 19 2004, 05:56 AM
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QUOTE (deko7291 @ Oct 16 2004, 03:14 PM)
QUOTE
Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex.
"It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours," Clem recalled.

"That sounds wonderful," said Jed.

"Yes. It was okay until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us."

"Oh my God! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter?"

"Baaaaa..."

roll2.gif.

Two elephants are sitting in a bathtub. One elephant says to the other, "Pass the soap". The other elephant says, "No soap, radio!"
roll2.gif

That joke isnt supposed to make any sense btw. Its just one of those things between friends....


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FuddMan
post Oct 19 2004, 05:06 PM
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this aint a j/k but is my new laugh:

LOMFGTISFIALMYOOMTOTITIMDPHMCMOITICISLCCCCONIANDYSHMMLLTYFP!!!!111oneone11!!1

and btw, i dont have to type it each time, i have shortkeys

it means something but i aint gonna tell you what so noone can steal it


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QUOTE (Psy)
Well, I must be honest, I do occasionally have the odd night off where I stick my fingers in as many pussy's as I can
php stands for psy humping pussy


zomg it's DuffMan's clone.
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