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> Just Cause 2 - First Impressions, My mind has been blown to fucking pieces.
Massacre
post Mar 22 2010, 10:03 PM
Post #41


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Fucking YES.


--------------------
QUOTE (Darth Sexy @ Sep 12 2009, 03:43 AM) *
Massacre, you make me look like a rational, moral, kind person.
QUOTE (Marney1 @ Oct 26 2009, 01:22 PM) *
Massacre - What you've just posted is sick and disturbing...
QUOTE (ViceMan @ Jan 17 2010, 04:22 PM) *
When Massacre is around, everything is violated... Whether it likes it or not.
QUOTE (ViceMan @ Mar 6 2011, 09:40 AM) *
Whenever I think of "human resources" Massacre immediately springs to mind.


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TheAnalogKid2112
post Mar 23 2010, 05:06 AM
Post #42


Oh boy! Oberto! Penis! Bundt cake! D-O's Can
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Omg, hell yeah. Sorry, FUCK YEAH!!!! I can't wait to go Al Qaida on Panau's ass.

This post has been edited by TheAnalogKid2112: Mar 23 2010, 05:07 AM


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PabloHoneyOle
post Mar 23 2010, 03:24 PM
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I'm picking this up at lunch. Also debating quitting my job to spend some time playing today...
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Massacre
post Mar 23 2010, 04:26 PM
Post #44


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Picking this up in the next hour. Playing this every day in the next two months.


--------------------
QUOTE (Darth Sexy @ Sep 12 2009, 03:43 AM) *
Massacre, you make me look like a rational, moral, kind person.
QUOTE (Marney1 @ Oct 26 2009, 01:22 PM) *
Massacre - What you've just posted is sick and disturbing...
QUOTE (ViceMan @ Jan 17 2010, 04:22 PM) *
When Massacre is around, everything is violated... Whether it likes it or not.
QUOTE (ViceMan @ Mar 6 2011, 09:40 AM) *
Whenever I think of "human resources" Massacre immediately springs to mind.


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bOnEs
post Mar 23 2010, 04:52 PM
Post #45


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damn you guys... i might rent this in the next few weeks if i get bored... but, i'm working my way through GTAIV again, going for 100% again because, the trophies were released after i got it the first time...

this game is still on my radar though for a summer purchase... just, not for right now...


--------------------



QUOTE (Massacre @ Mar 15 2011, 01:24 AM) *
Oh, good one. The "you're on the internet so you must have no life" insult isn't moronic or unoriginal at all. You must, without a doubt, be a very important member of society, not at all a waste of the already barely valuable gift of life.

As is the case for everyone who takes issue with people who make them sad on the internet, you are one of two kinds of people:

You are exactly what you claim I am, and that is a lonely, pathetic basement dweller. You life is spent eating eight pounds of junk food per day, masturbating to anything you find online that's even remotely feminine, and wishing you had good looks and social skills. You continue to live with your mother until she dies of a combination of lung cancer and liver failure brought on by the chain-smoking and heavy drinking she used to cope with what a failure you are. Your mother mercifully dead and free of the living embodiment of failure she regretfully thrust from her loins, the bills start to pile up and you, unemployed and unable to pay these bills (of course), lose the house and everything in it. Somehow even more of a failure than you already were, you wander from place to place eating out of dumpsters and sleeping in your own filth until you finally die of AIDS, which you contracted from a diseased whore you scrounged up enough money to pay for, so you could finally lose your virginity while at the same time pretending that your mother was back in your life.

Or:

You are the type who was an athlete in high school, who was genetically doomed to be an idiot but managed to finish school and even get a college scholarship because you were so good at a worthless children's game. You went off to college with a suitcase full of polo shirts and condoms, the polo shirts, because you're a douche, and the condoms to prevent you from impregnating the dim-witted young college girls whom you could never touch without the aid of Rohypnol, a drug you refer to as "roofies" because you can neither spell or pronounce Rohypnol. You scrape by with borderline D's for the next four years, and leave the campus to go out into the real world where your realize you're not intelligent or talented enough to do anything of value with your life. Misery and minimum wage ensues for thirty years, then you blow your brains out, and your corpse, alone and forgotten, is not discovered until the smell of rotting flesh seeps under your door and your bodily fluids finally soak through the floor of your studio apartment and into the room below you. Your body is cremated, the ashes scraped into a garbage bin because there was no one in your life who valued you enough to pay for a casket, funeral, or burial plot.

You're undoubtedly one of the two, otherwise you would have better things to do than complain about the theme of a forum that doesn't care about anything you have to say.
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Massacre
post Mar 23 2010, 05:21 PM
Post #46


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... And now it's in my hand, soon to be in my 360.


--------------------
QUOTE (Darth Sexy @ Sep 12 2009, 03:43 AM) *
Massacre, you make me look like a rational, moral, kind person.
QUOTE (Marney1 @ Oct 26 2009, 01:22 PM) *
Massacre - What you've just posted is sick and disturbing...
QUOTE (ViceMan @ Jan 17 2010, 04:22 PM) *
When Massacre is around, everything is violated... Whether it likes it or not.
QUOTE (ViceMan @ Mar 6 2011, 09:40 AM) *
Whenever I think of "human resources" Massacre immediately springs to mind.


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Massacre
post Mar 23 2010, 05:59 PM
Post #47


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Holy shit.


--------------------
QUOTE (Darth Sexy @ Sep 12 2009, 03:43 AM) *
Massacre, you make me look like a rational, moral, kind person.
QUOTE (Marney1 @ Oct 26 2009, 01:22 PM) *
Massacre - What you've just posted is sick and disturbing...
QUOTE (ViceMan @ Jan 17 2010, 04:22 PM) *
When Massacre is around, everything is violated... Whether it likes it or not.
QUOTE (ViceMan @ Mar 6 2011, 09:40 AM) *
Whenever I think of "human resources" Massacre immediately springs to mind.


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PabloHoneyOle
post Mar 23 2010, 06:36 PM
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QUOTE (Massacre @ Mar 23 2010, 01:59 PM) *
Holy shit.

Good? I'm sitting here at work thumbing the manual like a set of titties.
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Massacre
post Mar 23 2010, 07:31 PM
Post #49


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The end of the first mission has a bigger set of explosions than most GTA missions that you can't do until the end of the game. I'm having a lot of trouble aiming, though, and I'm not sure why.
I'm mostly just grappling over to enemies and beating the shit out of them.

I'm actually having a lot of trouble with the controls in general, but I think it's just because I've been doing nothing but PC gaming since I beat Mass Effect 2. I hope to get the hang of it soon.

Hey Stoic, just giving you a heads up, even though you get a code to unlock Rico's gun, you still have to pay for it. Fucking bullshit.


--------------------
QUOTE (Darth Sexy @ Sep 12 2009, 03:43 AM) *
Massacre, you make me look like a rational, moral, kind person.
QUOTE (Marney1 @ Oct 26 2009, 01:22 PM) *
Massacre - What you've just posted is sick and disturbing...
QUOTE (ViceMan @ Jan 17 2010, 04:22 PM) *
When Massacre is around, everything is violated... Whether it likes it or not.
QUOTE (ViceMan @ Mar 6 2011, 09:40 AM) *
Whenever I think of "human resources" Massacre immediately springs to mind.


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bOnEs
post Mar 23 2010, 08:12 PM
Post #50


doesn't play well with others...
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i too had problems with the controls in the demo... i think it's just going to take some getting used to... but, i still didn't have a grasp on it near the end of the demo, nor could i figure out the weapon selection... but, all games just take a couple of hours to get used to... i recall struggling for a while with the new GTAIV controls...


--------------------



QUOTE (Massacre @ Mar 15 2011, 01:24 AM) *
Oh, good one. The "you're on the internet so you must have no life" insult isn't moronic or unoriginal at all. You must, without a doubt, be a very important member of society, not at all a waste of the already barely valuable gift of life.

As is the case for everyone who takes issue with people who make them sad on the internet, you are one of two kinds of people:

You are exactly what you claim I am, and that is a lonely, pathetic basement dweller. You life is spent eating eight pounds of junk food per day, masturbating to anything you find online that's even remotely feminine, and wishing you had good looks and social skills. You continue to live with your mother until she dies of a combination of lung cancer and liver failure brought on by the chain-smoking and heavy drinking she used to cope with what a failure you are. Your mother mercifully dead and free of the living embodiment of failure she regretfully thrust from her loins, the bills start to pile up and you, unemployed and unable to pay these bills (of course), lose the house and everything in it. Somehow even more of a failure than you already were, you wander from place to place eating out of dumpsters and sleeping in your own filth until you finally die of AIDS, which you contracted from a diseased whore you scrounged up enough money to pay for, so you could finally lose your virginity while at the same time pretending that your mother was back in your life.

Or:

You are the type who was an athlete in high school, who was genetically doomed to be an idiot but managed to finish school and even get a college scholarship because you were so good at a worthless children's game. You went off to college with a suitcase full of polo shirts and condoms, the polo shirts, because you're a douche, and the condoms to prevent you from impregnating the dim-witted young college girls whom you could never touch without the aid of Rohypnol, a drug you refer to as "roofies" because you can neither spell or pronounce Rohypnol. You scrape by with borderline D's for the next four years, and leave the campus to go out into the real world where your realize you're not intelligent or talented enough to do anything of value with your life. Misery and minimum wage ensues for thirty years, then you blow your brains out, and your corpse, alone and forgotten, is not discovered until the smell of rotting flesh seeps under your door and your bodily fluids finally soak through the floor of your studio apartment and into the room below you. Your body is cremated, the ashes scraped into a garbage bin because there was no one in your life who valued you enough to pay for a casket, funeral, or burial plot.

You're undoubtedly one of the two, otherwise you would have better things to do than complain about the theme of a forum that doesn't care about anything you have to say.
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PabloHoneyOle
post Mar 23 2010, 08:20 PM
Post #51


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1up.com really sucked this game off. Made me very jealous. http://www.1up.com/do/reviewPage?cId=3178452

QUOTE (Massacre @ Mar 23 2010, 03:31 PM) *
The end of the first mission has a bigger set of explosions than most GTA missions that you can't do until the end of the game. I'm having a lot of trouble aiming, though, and I'm not sure why.
I'm mostly just grappling over to enemies and beating the shit out of them.

I'm actually having a lot of trouble with the controls in general, but I think it's just because I've been doing nothing but PC gaming since I beat Mass Effect 2. I hope to get the hang of it soon.

Hey Stoic, just giving you a heads up, even though you get a code to unlock Rico's gun, you still have to pay for it. Fucking bullshit.

I played the hell out of the demo, the shooting is kinda wonky, no direct targeting scheme. There's supposed to be weapons upgrades, so maybe it gets better. Another review I read said that was one of their only gripes; using a shitton of ammo.

I preordered through gamestop, I'm supposed to get the guns for free. I'll be fucking pissed if I have to pay. But I'll still pay. Motherfuckers.


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Massacre
post Mar 23 2010, 08:22 PM
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Oh, I meant you have to pay for it in-game. Sorry.


--------------------
QUOTE (Darth Sexy @ Sep 12 2009, 03:43 AM) *
Massacre, you make me look like a rational, moral, kind person.
QUOTE (Marney1 @ Oct 26 2009, 01:22 PM) *
Massacre - What you've just posted is sick and disturbing...
QUOTE (ViceMan @ Jan 17 2010, 04:22 PM) *
When Massacre is around, everything is violated... Whether it likes it or not.
QUOTE (ViceMan @ Mar 6 2011, 09:40 AM) *
Whenever I think of "human resources" Massacre immediately springs to mind.


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PabloHoneyOle
post Mar 23 2010, 08:28 PM
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Here's a 9.8 review of the game too. Again, mention of the underpowered guns at the beginning.
http://www.ztgd.com/9351/Just-Cause-2.html

I can't wait to get home.
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Massacre
post Mar 23 2010, 08:45 PM
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The controls have gotten a little easier for me. I think I was just having trouble because the first mission is at night, and I have a lot of trouble seeing when it's dark in these current-gen video games.

I've been trying to get from where one mission ends to where another begins, and it's taking forever. At first, I thought I was right on it, and when I flew my chopper through the clouds and saw that it was still over three mountain ranges and I don't know how many villages away. This place is fucking huge.

This post has been edited by Massacre: Mar 23 2010, 09:23 PM


--------------------
QUOTE (Darth Sexy @ Sep 12 2009, 03:43 AM) *
Massacre, you make me look like a rational, moral, kind person.
QUOTE (Marney1 @ Oct 26 2009, 01:22 PM) *
Massacre - What you've just posted is sick and disturbing...
QUOTE (ViceMan @ Jan 17 2010, 04:22 PM) *
When Massacre is around, everything is violated... Whether it likes it or not.
QUOTE (ViceMan @ Mar 6 2011, 09:40 AM) *
Whenever I think of "human resources" Massacre immediately springs to mind.


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PabloHoneyOle
post Mar 23 2010, 09:43 PM
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I heard the travel time ingame was ridiculous. But I'll take a dose of reality.

Then go back to flying planes into military bases and shooting the survivors while sailing down on my parachute.
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PabloHoneyOle
post Mar 24 2010, 03:54 PM
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I managed to play about 5-6 hours last night. I didn't want to go to bed, but I had to come into work today. I played 'til about 3AM. I love this game. It's already my game of the year, because I see myself playing it for probably the remainder of the year.

It's massive. It's epically massive. It's fucking huge. There is so much to do/explore that I can't even imagine being able to complete it all, but I am going to give it my damnedest. The size of the map remind me of Fallout 3. It's massive, FUCKING MASSIVE. The terrain ranges from the beach to the rain forest to the snow covered mountains to the the small islands to the the crystal clear rivers and lakes scattered around. There's hundreds of small villages and huge cities to explore, military airports and bases to destroy, and all of them contain Panua propaganda that must be destroyed in order to liberate the city/village.

The "destroy the propaganda" device has been done before with RF:Guerilla and more recently, the Saboteur (which I loved very much); but JC2 blows them all way. The freedom you have to destroy the propaganda is unlimited. Basically, each city or settlement or base has a certain amount of propaganda and collectibles (upgrade points or money for the black market, I'll get to those both in a minute...) that must be destroyed or collected. With each destruction, you generate CHAOS, which unlocks new missions, new weapons and also adds to the completion percentage of each settlement . When you reach 100% completion, the city is free from Panua soldiers and usually a unique vehicle is readily available from then on. Last night, I only 100%'d a couple of settlements, but all of them spawn a variety of helicopters (most locations have a helipad) and even planes (at the airport).

While I am on the subject of planes, the flight schemes are fantastic. The controls are a little tricky to get used to, but they are incredible realistic and not near as arcadey as the driving controls (which aren't THAT bad, but also take some getting used to). Flying is one the greatest parts of the game. Last night, I flew a Leer Jet around, just admiring the smooth controls. Barrel rolls are fantastic, I did like 10 in a row, just cause I could. Then I turned the Leer Jet into a missile itself, slamming it into a series of explosive silos and causing some serious chaos. Also, helicopter flight has become much easier for me and I also spent some time last night engaging in dogfights with other helicopters. As soon as my helicopter was badly damaged, I would just hijack theirs in mid-air. The helicopters and attack planes make sabotage a snap, especially if they are outfitted with missiles. All it takes is a couple of flybys while laying down a blanket of missiles, then skydiving/parachuting down to the base and taking out the remaining troops/propaganda/collectibles and the base is yours. Skydiving is also awesome and the parachuting is incredibly smooth and easy to control and navigate with.

As mentioned before, the big difference between this game and the first is the ability to use the grappling hook more effectively. You can latch on to just about anything. I was going from tree to tree last night like the damn Predator taking out bitches in the jungle. You can use the grappling hook and parachute to slingshot yourself, basically flying using your parachute. You can reel yourself in, then release the grapple and use the momentum to carry you up, up and AWAY! You can also attach just about anything to anything as well using the hook. I spent a good amount of time latching explosive barrels to passing cars and watching them drag makeshift bombs down the road into roadblocks and unsuspecting civilians. You can also attach people to cars and drag them to death. In Texas, they call that a fag-drag. There's also an achievement for doing 5 fag-drags, but that's only one of the ways you can use your grappling hook to dispose of Panua soldiers.

The combat system for Just Cause 2 takes a little getting used to. There is no "auto-lock" or way to really hone in on targets, however it is more generous than most free-aim third person shooters. Basically, if your target turns red, you're shooting at the enemy. There is an option to get a more "over the shoulder" perspective which makes the gun play much easier. Most of my kills have been headshots, or some variety of grappling hook inflicted death. Trying to kill a soldier by shooting at him from far away will proof futile, unless you've upgraded your weapons. The grappling hook makes for a dangerous assistant to your gun of choice as you can use it to attach soldiers to cars as earlier mentioned or just about any other surface. While attacking a skyscraper last night, I attached a guy to an elevator that was going up the side of the building just to remove him from the combat situation. You can suspend soldiers from overhangs and beat them to death like a pinata; bind two soldiers together, they'll fly at each other and knock themselves out. You can pull soldiers from guard towers, causing them to fall to their death. Or you can just go with the good old fashioned headshot or well placed grenade.

Weapons are scattered all around the bases and cities, however an easier (yet more expensive) way to get weapons is to use the black market. Basically, you just signal for a drop and are prompted with a menu of what you want to receive from the drop helicopter. Weapons, vehicles and location extractions are available from your black market contact, Sloth Demon. New weapons and vehicles are unlocked by causing CHAOS and destroying propaganda. The weapons and vehicles can be upgraded by applying vehicle/weapon creates scattered around the various settlements and bases. There is also cash creates that provide you with the money you need to buy weapons. You also get money for completing missions, side missions and any other kind of challenge out there. The only drawback to this is that in order to get the good guns, you have to rely on the black market - and have the funds do so. When I first unlocked the blackmarket, I didn't have enough scratch for hand grenades. But after a two story missions, a couple faction takeovers and favors and I'm not so worried about it now. It's a pretty good market system, only buy what you need and you should be fine. After awhile, you should also have enough cash to buy a small jet plane or monster truck if you're feeling frisky.

I'll post more in a bit. Have to get some work done.

This post has been edited by Stoic Person Eater: Mar 24 2010, 03:54 PM
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bOnEs
post Mar 24 2010, 04:23 PM
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damn you R*!!! i might of bought this game if they weren't releasing two new games in the next month or so... good read, sounds like the kind of fun i was expecting with this title...

i thought i read somewhere that the main story can take you about 40 hours but, 100% completion of this game could take you 150+ hours to complete... talk about MASSIVE depth and replayability biggrin.gif...


--------------------



QUOTE (Massacre @ Mar 15 2011, 01:24 AM) *
Oh, good one. The "you're on the internet so you must have no life" insult isn't moronic or unoriginal at all. You must, without a doubt, be a very important member of society, not at all a waste of the already barely valuable gift of life.

As is the case for everyone who takes issue with people who make them sad on the internet, you are one of two kinds of people:

You are exactly what you claim I am, and that is a lonely, pathetic basement dweller. You life is spent eating eight pounds of junk food per day, masturbating to anything you find online that's even remotely feminine, and wishing you had good looks and social skills. You continue to live with your mother until she dies of a combination of lung cancer and liver failure brought on by the chain-smoking and heavy drinking she used to cope with what a failure you are. Your mother mercifully dead and free of the living embodiment of failure she regretfully thrust from her loins, the bills start to pile up and you, unemployed and unable to pay these bills (of course), lose the house and everything in it. Somehow even more of a failure than you already were, you wander from place to place eating out of dumpsters and sleeping in your own filth until you finally die of AIDS, which you contracted from a diseased whore you scrounged up enough money to pay for, so you could finally lose your virginity while at the same time pretending that your mother was back in your life.

Or:

You are the type who was an athlete in high school, who was genetically doomed to be an idiot but managed to finish school and even get a college scholarship because you were so good at a worthless children's game. You went off to college with a suitcase full of polo shirts and condoms, the polo shirts, because you're a douche, and the condoms to prevent you from impregnating the dim-witted young college girls whom you could never touch without the aid of Rohypnol, a drug you refer to as "roofies" because you can neither spell or pronounce Rohypnol. You scrape by with borderline D's for the next four years, and leave the campus to go out into the real world where your realize you're not intelligent or talented enough to do anything of value with your life. Misery and minimum wage ensues for thirty years, then you blow your brains out, and your corpse, alone and forgotten, is not discovered until the smell of rotting flesh seeps under your door and your bodily fluids finally soak through the floor of your studio apartment and into the room below you. Your body is cremated, the ashes scraped into a garbage bin because there was no one in your life who valued you enough to pay for a casket, funeral, or burial plot.

You're undoubtedly one of the two, otherwise you would have better things to do than complain about the theme of a forum that doesn't care about anything you have to say.
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Massacre
post Mar 24 2010, 04:47 PM
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Bones, if it weren't for the GTA deathmatches on here, I'd say pass on EFLC for a few months, it's worth it to play this game.

The controls have gotten much easier for me, and now my only gripes are the iffy handling on the land-based vehicles and the terrible voice acting, everything else is perfect. I did my fair share of 9/11'ing pinata-smashing last night, and I find I'm using my grappling hook and melee attacks to make Rico into a South American Batman. I love this game.


--------------------
QUOTE (Darth Sexy @ Sep 12 2009, 03:43 AM) *
Massacre, you make me look like a rational, moral, kind person.
QUOTE (Marney1 @ Oct 26 2009, 01:22 PM) *
Massacre - What you've just posted is sick and disturbing...
QUOTE (ViceMan @ Jan 17 2010, 04:22 PM) *
When Massacre is around, everything is violated... Whether it likes it or not.
QUOTE (ViceMan @ Mar 6 2011, 09:40 AM) *
Whenever I think of "human resources" Massacre immediately springs to mind.


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PabloHoneyOle
post Mar 24 2010, 05:14 PM
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Yeah, I haven't preordered Red Dead yet, and I am glad I haven't. I will be tied up with this for some time. If you're a creative person, this game could last you FOREVER. I can't imagine 100%ing this game, the game doesn't even expect you to; there is an achievement for completing 75% of the game. 100% would probably be next to impossible. There are a ton of "tribal" collectibles for each of the factions. I found a skull on top of the highest mountain: "You have collected 1 of 100 skulls." There is NO WAY I will be able to locate 100 skulls randomly scattered throughout this massive chain of islands, let alone whatever the other two 100-collectible items are.

Anyway. Shit, I could keep going on about this game. I want everyone to get this. If you liked San Andreas, this the game you've been waiting for. It's very over the top, but is insanely entertaining. It's GTAIV, the Saboteur and Crackdown, all rolled up and laced with an ounce of WOWZA.

One last thing, last night I flew a helicopter to the Mile High Club; a strip-club aboard a Zeppelin-powered cruise ship in the sky. After exploring the strip club (no titties), I took the helicopter that was located on the helipad on back of the Zeppelin and took off (there's also a leer jet parked there too). I flew as high as I could go, then ejected myself from the chopper. I began the freefall as the helicopter fell like a rock. I plunged forward, falling and falling, faster and faster. I finally caught up to the helicopter, not far off the ground. I was able to grapple back to the copter and reenter it, saving us both from a terrible explosion on the beach. I then flew back up to the Mile High Club, jumped off the breast shaped zeppelins in order to get the achievement for base jumping over 1000 meters.

Stuff like that will keep me going for ages. Basically, if you can think it, you can do it.

This post has been edited by Stoic Person Eater: Mar 24 2010, 05:15 PM
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bOnEs
post Mar 24 2010, 05:34 PM
Post #60


doesn't play well with others...
*********

Group: Staff
Posts: 2,316
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From: michigan...
Member No.: 38,893
XBL Gamertag: your mother...
PSN Name: artistadam
Xfire Identity: i said your mother!!



@ massacre - i don't even think i could pass on it if there weren't deathmatches here... i love GTA so much that i'm willing to play it over other games... hell, right now i am playing through the story again instead of renting batman: arkham asylum laugh.gif...

@ stoic - that's kind of why i was always interested in this game... i'm very creative and this game practically gives you a blank canvas for you to paint however you like... but, i don't see any game worth owning in the summer yet so, this is the first one on the list biggrin.gif... if this had a multiplayer mode, i might of considered buying it this week so i could play with someone from here...

This post has been edited by bOnEs: Mar 24 2010, 05:35 PM


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QUOTE (Massacre @ Mar 15 2011, 01:24 AM) *
Oh, good one. The "you're on the internet so you must have no life" insult isn't moronic or unoriginal at all. You must, without a doubt, be a very important member of society, not at all a waste of the already barely valuable gift of life.

As is the case for everyone who takes issue with people who make them sad on the internet, you are one of two kinds of people:

You are exactly what you claim I am, and that is a lonely, pathetic basement dweller. You life is spent eating eight pounds of junk food per day, masturbating to anything you find online that's even remotely feminine, and wishing you had good looks and social skills. You continue to live with your mother until she dies of a combination of lung cancer and liver failure brought on by the chain-smoking and heavy drinking she used to cope with what a failure you are. Your mother mercifully dead and free of the living embodiment of failure she regretfully thrust from her loins, the bills start to pile up and you, unemployed and unable to pay these bills (of course), lose the house and everything in it. Somehow even more of a failure than you already were, you wander from place to place eating out of dumpsters and sleeping in your own filth until you finally die of AIDS, which you contracted from a diseased whore you scrounged up enough money to pay for, so you could finally lose your virginity while at the same time pretending that your mother was back in your life.

Or:

You are the type who was an athlete in high school, who was genetically doomed to be an idiot but managed to finish school and even get a college scholarship because you were so good at a worthless children's game. You went off to college with a suitcase full of polo shirts and condoms, the polo shirts, because you're a douche, and the condoms to prevent you from impregnating the dim-witted young college girls whom you could never touch without the aid of Rohypnol, a drug you refer to as "roofies" because you can neither spell or pronounce Rohypnol. You scrape by with borderline D's for the next four years, and leave the campus to go out into the real world where your realize you're not intelligent or talented enough to do anything of value with your life. Misery and minimum wage ensues for thirty years, then you blow your brains out, and your corpse, alone and forgotten, is not discovered until the smell of rotting flesh seeps under your door and your bodily fluids finally soak through the floor of your studio apartment and into the room below you. Your body is cremated, the ashes scraped into a garbage bin because there was no one in your life who valued you enough to pay for a casket, funeral, or burial plot.

You're undoubtedly one of the two, otherwise you would have better things to do than complain about the theme of a forum that doesn't care about anything you have to say.
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