Oh the nights i used to spend watching Adult Swim on Cartoon Network. Harvey Birdman, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Sealab 2021, and others i can't seem to remember now. Back in the day when 12am was 'late' and getting 7 hours of sleep was the norm for me.
Funny though, I remember being like 4 and up at 9pm was 'late'. Sitting there playing with my toys half asleep. Those were the days. No real worries. Not fearing the next day unless it was a trip to the doctor.
At some point in your life, maybe during high school, you realize that your life is whizzing by and everything you loved is deteriorating. You are no longer handed things by anyone and those that were there since the early days are going away. Your parents aren't as invincable as they were when you were growing up. Something as simple as a mini-stroke changes your view of everything around you.
There you are. Left to fend for yourself in a changed world wondering where it all went. What happened to your life? Why does it all have to change? Why can't it all be the way it used to be? Is there a way out? Suicide? NO.
Suicide is for pussies who can't take life. Pussies who have no balls to shit on. They think they are getting out when, in fact, they are getting into something even scarier.
Ever wonder why so many old people go crazy? You would to if you had to go to sleep everyday pondering whether you would wake up or not. Not too mention that at any second their heart could stop as they go about their day. They live in fear.
Fear drives people to do insane things. For some, it makes them lose touch with reality. Fearing everyone and everything. For others, it drives them into a burning building. Fearing that a child may be inside suffocating from the smoke as their mother screams from the road in bloody agony at the worst fear that the kid is burning alive as they reach for help but no one is there to grab on and pull them out until you lug yourself and your gear in under the heat.
Crawling and looking through the smoke for something resembling a human. Yelling through the mask at the top of your lungs waiting to hear a reply or a cry of help. Yelling to make sure your partner is okay. Dragging your body against the floor as the heat gets more intense as you reach the fire. Hitting your hands and tools on furniture and walls trying to find a closet or a bed. Somewhere a child would be. Breathing becomes difficult. The heat of the room igniting the air you take in. Ears burning through your hood. Chest seems like it's on fire. Room clear. Out to the next room BUT command calls and says the child is outside. Safe.
You acknowledge and finish your search. Making sure no one else is inside. You and your partner exit. Regulator alerting you you're out of air. Rehab. Another stressful situation taken by the balls and the job done. Go home and relax, wondering 'What if?'. Before getting to the final answer, another call for an alarm. Off to the office building that has gone off three times this week with nothing found. Back to getting the job done.
That is life. Shit happens. The list of sayings goes on and on.
god that was one hell of a rant...